In That Great Company

I have joined the great company of care-givers. Given the statistic that the number of seniors in Canada now outnumber the number of children and the greatest growth area is in those over the age of 100, it is not surprising that many Canadian adults find themselves in the role of care-giver in one way or another.

It is one-year ago that my husband was diagnosed with Dementia. The diagnosis was not surprising to either of us having lived for sometime with his increasing memory loss, confusion and inability to focus and complete tasks, nonetheless it hit hard. This past year has been one of adjusting to our ‘new normal’ which seems to change with the day and sometimes even over the course of day.

I have always known people who were required to give support and care to a family member. My mother cared for my dad for several years after he suffered a devastating stroke. But it is only now that I am now realizing the huge implications that comes with the word ‘care-giver’. I have never fully appreciated the complete and total impact it has on one’s activity and involvement. I have a deepened appreciation for both the labour of love that is required and the grief that is comes with living with loss as a loved one’s personality and ability is gradually eroded. The hardest part often, is leaving enough space for the other to retain some independence, dignity and autonomy while being close by and ready with the safety-net should assistance be required. This stretches from casual things like turning on the television and remembering friends names to more complicated challenges like banking and doctors visits. Knowing when and how to intervene is a guessing game that is fraught with hunches and doubt.

I am blessed with a network of friends and a family who are quick to offer assistance and ever ready with a listening ear and words of encouragement. I also know several other women who are taking this walk with their husband and so I can reach out when I need to for advice and support. It is in times like this I am grateful for a faith community that understands and often, with a knowing look or gentle touch, reassures me that they are holding us in prayer.

Anyone who has cared for an aging relative or friend knows the challenge of compression stockings! These are the elasticised stockings that are often required by elderly folk to assist blood flow in the legs. Putting them onto another person can be like squeezing the stuffing into a sausage casing! I find each morning, as I do this, that a phrase from the hymn “Jesu, Jesu” comes to mind. “Kneels at the feet of his friends, silently washing their feet,”; it is the reminder of Jesus’ call to the disciples to be ready to kneel and wash another’s feet as part of the service of discipleship. According to the Gospel of John this was part of his last teaching at their Passover Supper on the night before he died.

I have come to see care-giving as a Spiritual Exercise. It brings humility and requires patience. It deepens the bond between the giver and the one requiring care. It draws on faith and fosters prayer. It is hard but I am so grateful for the resources that surround us and for the faith that graces us. I know we are not alone.