This morning on Canada AM a two clinical psychologists were interviewed. Dr. Carla Fry and Dr. Lisa Ferrari have just written a book called, Gratitude and Kindness – a Modern Parents Guide to Raising Children in an Era of Entitlement. It was written in response to parents who have come to them asking, “How do I get my kids to say ‘thank-you’ and mean it?” and “My child is spoiled – how do I fix that?”
The interview sent my mind spinning with the notion that gratitude is the opposite to entitlement. They say we live in an era of entitlement and I would certainly concur. It does not take long in most situations to find at least one person who has the attitude of “I deserve it.” I remember clearly, at an evening meeting, asking a man how his day had been. He said, “It was great! I phoned into work this morning and said I was taking the day off. Why? Because I can.” Such a statement of entitlement. ‘I am owed this.’ ‘I deserve this.’ I was gob-smacked. It seemed to me there was little thought about what his actions might have meant for the others he worked with or the public that he served.
Is gratitude the opposite to entitlement? If we are truly thankful, truly grateful, do we then lose that feeling of deservedness? I think these psychologists are on to something. And it does not apply only to children. They suggest parents have children say thank you in ways other than the automatic response of the words. How many parents have the constant refrain, “Say Thank you.” The good doctors suggest parents teach children to understand gratitude through action. They suggest having them – draw a picture, give a hug, or just take some time to think about what has happened.
Now, clearly in the line up at Pita Pit you are not going to hug the server, or draw a picture of your gratitude on your napkin (although you could) – in that setting a simple “thank you” will do. But I think it could be a worthwhile exercise to take a look at how we balance our sense of entitlement with genuine gratitude. And in giving some thought about how it shifts our attitude shift?
A good point thanks Nancy. I was taught “life is never a burden so long as one is always heartily aware of the privilege of living”. It was a summer sermon recycled many times, and it led to a later book on grace.