Gratitude in Chaos

It is a glorious day today. It seems that October has brought to this part of the country more than its fair share of rain and cold wet days so today’s blue sky and sunshine, with the autumn colours glinting in the sun’s rays is a welcome treat. I took a break mid-afternoon and went for a walk in the pasture to admire the array of colours from burnished bronze to brilliant yellow interrupted by reds and orange. As I drive these peaceful rural roads and ramble along a walking path it is hard to imagine the horror and violence that besets so many other places in the world. The news from the Middle East is staggering and it is hard to imagine the terror that some are living with especially when my little corner of the world is blissful and my biggest worry is what I will have for dinner.

Here in Canada, October begins with the spirit of Thanksgiving. Porches and storefronts are decorated with items that suggest garden plenty – pumpkins, squash, corn stalks, potted mums, and every item from coffee to air freshener smells like pumpkin spice. We move seamlessly from Thanksgiving to Halloween, the pumpkins become jack-o-lanterns and the feelings of gratitude and plenty shift to fright and ghoulish horror! But for us that fearful state is fanciful while for others it is their daily reality as violence erupts around them and the very basics of life are jeopardized.

Sometimes, at the end of the day, I am not even sure how to pray. The state of the world seems so overwhelmingly out of control. The lust for power and the violent war machine has reduced the value of human life to next to nothing. As Walter Cronkite once said, “We spend so much time on inventing devices to kill each other and so little time on working on how to achieve peace.” What it the end game of war and violence with country against country and people against people? Of course, the ones who suffer the most are the average civilians, the women and children, the ones who can’t escape, who have no defense. It is for them my heart breaks.

In the midst of global upheaval I am trying to keep in perspective my own little personal upheaval. This month I, surprising even to me, made a decision to sell my house and make a move closer to where I now work which is, in fact, the area where I grew up. It had always been my intention to move back to this area of the province I just didn’t think it would happen this year. But, sometimes the stars align and a choice is before me. It was a difficult and emotional choice, as big decisions like this always are, but seems to be the right choice for me now, I believe. That said, the house is not yet sold so who knows, in this current market, when it might be, patience is a virtue and so is putting stuff in the recycle bin. Oh my, do I have STUFF! The sorting and sifting and purging has begun. Looking at some things I wonder why I have hung on to them for so long and then I still put them in the ‘Keep’ pile. My mind, my emotions, my house, each sometimes feels as chaotic as the world. But equal to the chaos is my gratitude for a house to sell, resources to buy, belongings aplenty, and friends and family to help me cope. It is the yin and yang of life. When it seems overwhelming and I don’t know how to pray sometimes I just say thank you. Thank you for the small glimpses of hope, thank you for the few positive stories to balance the many negative ones, thank you for the overwhelming grace of life, thank you for the ones who are there when needed, thank you for the ones who surprise us with undeserved kindness. Thank you for the beauty of an autumn day as the leaves let go and the season turns.