It has been a hard couple of weeks here at BUC. We are grieving two deaths. The first a result of a sudden and tragic cycling accident, the second the death coming after rapid decline as a result of the disease ALS. Each death took us by surprise and together they have rocked us.
Death is not something our society likes to consider much. We live in a culture that does its best to defy aging and deny death. The trend for the last number of years has been to shift in practice at the time of death. We often don’t have funerals now. We have replaced them instead with ‘Memorial Services’ or ‘Celebrations of Life’. At these the casket is not present and in the case of cremation more often than not even the urn is not in evidence preferring instead a photo of the deceased. I understand why these changes have come about but I have an unease about it. Not because I want people to dwell in their sorrow but I think we might be too quick to tidy up the pain, tragedy and sorrow of death. As one writer put it, a funeral is “recognition of the deep dislocation of life and its meaning – life itself has crumbled and been torn from our grasp.” If we move too quickly to celebration we deny ourselves the opportunity to grieve.
At the time of each of my parents death we were very traditional in our practice. There was visitation at the funeral home, the casket was central at the service, and then we took the torturous trip to the cemetery and the carrying of the casket to the opened grave. For my mother each of her children and grandchildren took part in carrying her casket to her grave, spelling one another off as we walked over the hard ground, so that we could all be part of accompanying her on her last lap towards God. Through this process I realized the importance of gathering and the significance of the time spent in telling stories and offering prayer and singing hymns. As a Christian it was the practice of worship intermingled with sorrow that brought the necessary healing when one so integral to my heart and soul was wrenched from me.
Tomorrow, as we did Saturday, we will have a service in the sanctuary. We will sing hymns and we will remember together a child of God who lived a life of devotion to God and neighbour. The grieving will be intense – as it should be when someone we love has died. But I hope and pray that we will value our grief and not try to gloss over it or deny it for it is the depth of human love. In time life will return to a routine but for the family it will never be routine again for a central figure in their living is now gone.
Yes, we will celebrate her life but we will also mourn her passing.
