Skin Hunger

I read somewhere that a person needs a certain number of hugs in order to be healthy. I couldn’t remember the details so … I googled it! I discovered that it was family therapist, Virginia Satir who said a person needs “4 hugs for survival, 8 hugs for maintenance and 12 hugs for growth”. In these Covid days when we cannot even shake hands or stand near each other, hugs are a long forgotten luxury. I am not a big hugger. I don’t always like to be hugged by people that I am not close to but I do have a growing understanding of the expression “skin hunger”. As one who lives alone, I feel acutely the loss of the physical touch of another human being. This is not a cheap plug for sympathy it is a recognition that mental and physical health is being challenged by Covid in ways other than by a contagious virus.

People live in tribes or clans or colonies or communities for a reason. We need one another. There are human needs for others – a need for conversation – a need for mentoring – a need for support – a need for touch. Since the beginning of the Covid pandemic we have discovered ways to communicate through technology but an email or a Zoom call – looking at a screen – is not the same as holding someone’s hand, having someone touch your shoulder or getting a hug. With Covid, when someone gets too close I move away. When someone goes to shake my hand I say, “Sorry, I am not comfortable with that.”

As we face into a winter of separation and isolation I am particularly worried for those who live with anxiety, addiction and just plain loneliness. I can’t come up with a Bible verse or story that gives a solution. I do remember lots of stories of people feeling isolated and like outcasts and when touch was a source of healing. There is the story of Jesus reaching out to touch lepers, of him touching and healing a bent-over woman, and the story of him speaking kindly to a woman fetching water in the middle of the day as she, presumably, avoided nosy neighbours. There are stories that speak of the importance of touch – a woman massaging Jesus feet with expensive ointment, and Jesus washing the disciples feet. All showing aspects of human kindness, healing, humility and the importance of touch.

We will, of course, get through all this. In the future, stories, even tall tales, will be told of the year 2020 but right now I am thinking mostly of the simple day to day needs that we are uncovering as we hunker down and stay apart and stay safe. When this is all over I will be very happy to hug my family and my friends.